Day 7: The thing(s) you're most afraid of
As many would say, we all have a number of things that we are most afraid of.
Growing up the eldest and only girl with three brothers you can say I developed an oversized sense of responsibility. Through out my life, there has been a pattern of taking on too much because of this sense of responsibility. Carrying rocks in my wheelbarrow I shouldn't really be carrying. Others tell me I shouldn't; I don't need to.
Sometimes it still creeps up on me and then it is apparent that I am afraid of letting others down.
Especially
my son.
my amazing husband.
my family.
my God.
my friends.
That is my motivation for taking on so much.
Being in a 'new mum' season has really challenged me to accept the help and gifts of others without strings, to let go a bit. I can struggle with that. I find it hard to just say thank you and not reciprocate it in some way.
Dave Dobbyn's song 'Language' sums this up for me:
my hands are tied
oh I could be a victim
when my tongue won't move
you have tied with your heartstrings
when I need you most
I couldn't find the language
when I needed you more
I couldn't say a word
one day a heap on the ground
next day I'm so proud
today, I haven't got a clue
feels like a river of tears
today I'm gonna dry these eyes
no
when I need you more
couldn't say a word
It has caused me a lot of hurt and anxiety to be honest. And because of this fear I seem to do exactly what I am afraid of; letting people down because I freeze and don't know what to do. My words fail me.
Well, there you go - honest - that is what I am afraid of.
As many would say, we all have a number of things that we are most afraid of.
Growing up the eldest and only girl with three brothers you can say I developed an oversized sense of responsibility. Through out my life, there has been a pattern of taking on too much because of this sense of responsibility. Carrying rocks in my wheelbarrow I shouldn't really be carrying. Others tell me I shouldn't; I don't need to.
Sometimes it still creeps up on me and then it is apparent that I am afraid of letting others down.
Especially
my son.
my amazing husband.
my family.
my God.
my friends.
That is my motivation for taking on so much.
Being in a 'new mum' season has really challenged me to accept the help and gifts of others without strings, to let go a bit. I can struggle with that. I find it hard to just say thank you and not reciprocate it in some way.
Dave Dobbyn's song 'Language' sums this up for me:
my hands are tied
oh I could be a victim
when my tongue won't move
you have tied with your heartstrings
when I need you most
I couldn't find the language
when I needed you more
I couldn't say a word
one day a heap on the ground
next day I'm so proud
today, I haven't got a clue
feels like a river of tears
today I'm gonna dry these eyes
no
when I need you more
couldn't say a word
It has caused me a lot of hurt and anxiety to be honest. And because of this fear I seem to do exactly what I am afraid of; letting people down because I freeze and don't know what to do. My words fail me.
Well, there you go - honest - that is what I am afraid of.
♥
ReplyDeleteI think all that extra responsibility you had to carry for your brothers already puts you ahead in the parenting sense.
Give you self a pat on the back Clare and do your best...its all anyone can do.