A vivid memory

Here I am finishing the May Challenge on the first of June! Committing to this for the last month of the school year sounded silly and crazy with all the busyness it brings but I am so thankful, it has helped me in so many more ways. This challenge has brought me out a rut and caused me to be so aware of what I have and value. So, thank you Jenni ~ it really has been fun!

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Day 31: A vivid memory.

An early morning swim in the harbor outside my friend's parents house. Heart fluttering, laughing and full of joy at this young man who always captured my excitement for adventures and the outdoors. 

A day beginning that is to be a vivid memory. Challenging ourselves to swim to an outlying buoy. Swimming back with our sidekicks (dogs) running around and loving it as much as us. 

Walking out of the water, dripping salty water and feeling the sun on my back. Grabbing our towels and drying off, capturing each others eyes and trying not too seem to awkward but something hung in the air. 

Peace in the Release

Day 30: React to this term: Letting Go.

Learning to loosen expectation
Entering carefully
Towards detaching a false sense of responsibility
Then removing the belief of thinking that
I should be here and doing all and achieving this.
Now learning to accept and to
Grip the unknown; forgive and bless with deep breaths.

Giving all my burdens to Him,
Only to hope for freedom, peace in the release and a new level of trust.

Yesterday morning, sitting on the couch preparing for the day, I caught myself hearing 'You can't do it, you haven't go what it takes, this is too much for you'.... Flip. I stopped for a second and was suddenly so aware of what I was telling myself. I was shocked that these thoughts could override my emotional well being before I had even stepped out the door.  What I was feeding my soul - was toxic and so crippling, I was thankful that I suddenly was able to 'hear' what I was thinking.

When I wrote this poem above, I was thinking of letting go of my thought patterns that creep in.

Freedom in the letting go of negativity and choosing to feed my soul with truth and positive affirmations.

That's my letting go.

Music is powerful

Day 29: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories.

Music is powerful. Music tends to the soul... It was hard to choose but these are my five for today.

'Beautiful Boy' is the song we sing my boy, I would sing to him before he was born and this song always calms him. I love the power of music.

'Everything' This song speaks to my very core. I walked down the isle with my parents to this song. I love the build up in this.

 

 'Flags' is from one of my favorite artists Brooke Fraser. This song is challenging and puts to words so many questions and wonderings I have. 

'Jacaranda Tree' is a smooth tune by another of my favorites Josh Garrels. My tree is the Jacaranda, my parents chose this tree and planted it with my placenta long ago... With this song I imagine sitting under it's branches and enjoying the bright purple flowers in summer. 

'I Won't Let You Go' - Ahhh James Morrison's voice ~ really honestly, I melt, he is a talented individual. This song is from a very special friend.... Hearing it live was amazing but I like this version the best!

Ready for moving

Day 28: Only picture(s).

My sole photo for a busy day taken on my phone. My boy is ready for action.

A letter for you

Day 27: A letter to your readers...

taken during a skype call

hey there friend, 

it's great to see you around here. it's been uplifting to share my life with you and focus your thoughts on grace and goodness that i like to apportion to this space.

it really is a creative outlet for me and one that is full of treasured moments, both challenging and triumphant.

it's awesome when you share you thoughts on what i write or even better share the link to your own creative space for me to venture there. 

let's keep this up. i see a big web of connections being built in many directions through our many spaces, because really that's what we were created for. to connect!

keeping doing what you do best,

clare @ gracious/goodness 

Helen Keller

Day 26: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.

I didn't quite read this online but I watched this and was completely in awe.

Helen Keller was a truly remarkable woman and the bond that Mrs. Ann Sullivan had with her is a powerful one.

Helen pushed the barriers of what was understood about those with deaf or blind needs and followed her convictions on many aspects of woman's rights. Mrs. Sullivan was her governess and companion for 49 years.

An amazing story of friendship and respect.

The Power of Words

Day 25: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad).

I was busy moving to my next class in my Year 8/Grade 7 year, crossing through one of our school courtyards and heard my named called behind me, I turn and a teacher stops to point something out that she thought I should know. She spoke these words over me...

"Clare, I don't know why you were put in the alpha class. You don't deserve to be there. I am shocked you were put there." 

Or something of that nature. I don't remember the statement word.for.word but what I do remember the effect it had on me.

The words echoed at different times. I chose to use those words as fuel that I was deserved of that placing in a top-streamed class. It helped me to do my best and the leave the rest. As teacher myself, I chose to do the exact opposite of what that teacher did to me, to speak words of encouragement to my students, my colleagues, my family and friends. Ok, sometimes I stuff up on that but mostly I try!

Please, please if you read this... Choose your words carefully. 

'Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit - you choose.' 

Proverbs 18:21 (The Message)

Coming clean on my three worst traits

Day 24: Your top 3 worst traits.

 ***Worrier***   'gives way to anxiety or unease; allows one's mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles...'

***Self-doubter***   'lacks confidence in oneself and one's abilities...'

***Indecisive***   'not having or showing the ability to make decisions quickly and effectively...'


All definitions sourced from apple dictionary application.

I hope everyone has a great week!

Education is life itself

Day 23: Things you've learned that school won't teach you.

I feel like this was THE most challenging prompt of the challenge so far. I couldn't seem to narrow down things I have learned that school didn't teach me, because school has been such a small part of my 'learning' through life. 

John Dewey says it best:

"Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself."

  
Some of the ideas that came to mind, I have learned:

***That a smile goes a long way, even in awkward, difficult situations.

Getting on my soapbox

Day 22: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel.

Sometimes the media ticks me off. I'm telling you, the amount of time Hubby and I have emailed or skyped to dispel fear of threats from North Korea is phenomenal.

Don't get me wrong, the recent threats of nuclear action from North Korea were alarming but mostly they have been down right ridiculous.

Many questions were asked by family and friends, advising us to prepare for the worst.  In light of this, we took action in some simple ways in order to be prepared if something did take place. We carried our alien cards (I'm an alien, I'm a legal alien) and passports, withdrew a certain amount of cash, we also organized a pack  with spare baby supplies, warm clothes, and other items that we may need. We also contacted our NZ embassy and had a contingency plan if we needed to leave abruptly. But through all of this, I can say without a shadow of doubt that it did not cause us to feel unsettled or fearful; prepared and prayerful but not fearful. 

my list of links

a list of links to your favourite posts in your archives

HERE THEY ARE:

**why you have to love Korea - written in the first 6 months of being here

**exploring the idea that dreams need to be lived out and not just left as thoughts

**travels are regularly documented, here, here and here are some of my favourites

**announcing to everyone the arrival of baby hub

**one of my most popular posts ever written

**sharing from the heart about the difference and my love of fridays

teardrops on a baby's head

Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.

sitting in a darkened room, my beautiful boy in my arms. swollen tears falling on my baby's head as i rock him.

feeling like i can't do anything well; everything falls short.

The Liebster Award

Day 19: Five Eleven of your favorite blogs and what you love about them.

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Tonight I have decided to merge two posts together for this prompt. On Friday I received an email from Cynthia of The Sock Zone, nominating me for the Liebster award... How about that, hey? So to join on in this bit o' fun, I am going to nominate eleven favorite blogs and pass it on.

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The Liebster Award is given to up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. What does Liebster mean? Liebster is German meaning dearest.

Here are the rules for receiving this award:

1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
2. Answer the questions that the tagger set for you plus create 11 questions for the people you've tagged to answer.
3. Choose 11 people and link them in your post.
4. Go to their page and tell them.
5. No tag backs!

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Eleven things

1. I grew up in rural NZ, predominately on dairy farms.
2. I love camping with family and friends but the last time we did was through a thunderstorm.
3. I have been living as an expat since February 2010. 
4. In December I gave birth to my son via a water birth at home. 
5. My feet are sized between 9 - 10, just thought you should know. 
6. I am a reluctant cook/baker, it's on my to-do list for when I have a proper kitchen.
7. My favorite Korean food is 'Andong Jjimdalk' - SO good!
8. I am learning to stick to a schedule, it has taken a while.
9. I am learning to accept that my imperfect is sometimes perfect for my son, because it's me that he needs.
10. I once lined up for 11 hours overnight for a ticket to a rugby final. It.was.worth.it.
11. I am glad I have reached number 11!

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11 questions I have been given: 

If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? 
I have had more travels experiences in my life so far than I would have ever hoped for but one place I would love to visit is Norway. I have Norwegian ancestry so I feel this would be so interesting to experience.
What’s your favorite color?
My favorite color is deep ocean blue.
What would be your perfect day?
A day starting with a lazy sleep-in, gathering yummy treats and driving off for a road trip to somewhere new. The day would be warm and breezy, stopping to enjoy the surrounds and finally meeting friends for a dinner BBQ and laughing late into the night. Ah, that is perfection.
If you got to choose any job you wanted what would it be?
To be honest, I love my job right now. I am still learning as this is my first year but it is a great balance of mentoring others and administration. I have much to learn but at this point, it is really right for me.
What was your favorite toy that you had as a child?
Snoopy was a favorite soft toy. He kept me safe when I was afraid of the dark until one day we had a garage sale and mom sold him. I was devastated!
If you became a star and you had to change your name what would it be?
As as university student I always joked with my friends, that if I was famous I would just be Clare ~ like Cher, Madonna, Adele etc. That would be me!
What type of books do you like to read?
I love to read biographies, they are powerful in the way they share how that person has overcome something or the attitude they had helped them. I always find them inspirational.
If you had a chance to meet your favorite movie star, who would it be?( past or present)
Hmm, I wouldn't know what to say but if had the chance I would love to have a quick coffee with Taika Waititi, he is a fascinating and talented kiwi actor, writer and director.
If you could be any animal what would you be?
I would be an otter, I love their nature ~ their amazing acrobatics in the water; they are very clever creatures.
What was your favorite TV show growing up?
I had many favorite 80s/90s shows that were my favorite but 'Quantum Leap' sure had me on the edge of my seat!
If you could change one thing in your life to make it better, what would it be?
I would love to worry less. I would love to be a little more care-free.

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My Liebster award nominations: In no particular order

1. Juanita at Neetz - stuff from my head
2. Kate at Following Moonshadows
3. Sammy at The Simple Life
4. Jackie at Jacksta B
5. Lisa at All In A Daze
6. Rachel at Curious Runner Girl
7. Liz at She Exceeds Rubies
8. Brigitte at Stay At Home Mama
9. Meghan at MNM's
10. Tracy at Inside the Scrap Heap
11. Sima at Sima J

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11 questions for my nominations:

1. What is your favorite food?
2. Where have you traveled (within or out of country) and what is a favorite memory of that trip?
3. What was your first ever blog post about?
4. When you meet someone for the first time, what do you notice first?
5. Who has been an influential person in your life and why?
6. The answer is 6, what is the question?
7. How do you relax?
8. Are you a 'morning person' or a 'night owl'?
9. Describe your favorite teacher at school.
10. What is your favorite music right now?
11. Do you like answering lots of questions about yourself? haha

my little brother

tell a story from your childhood. dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.

there are many memories that could be shared but i am going to share a very vivid memory of when my baby brother was born.

i have three little, bigger-than-me brothers, who i love very much. 

Christmas 2005

when mum was expecting nathan, my youngest brother, i was a very excited 6 year old because i was soooo sure that the baby was going to be a little sister for me. i remember talking to my mum outside one time when she was hanging out the washing and adamantly stating that the baby was a girl. i would dream of playing with the baby and not feeling so outnumbered.

A favorite

Day 17: A favorite photo of yourself and why

This is my favorite.

When I decided on this photo, I showed my hubby and said 'This doesn't look like me' and he said 'Of course it does!'

I still don't think it does! And I think it has a lot to do with with how I felt on my wedding day, the picture captures the level of anticipation and joy that radiated out of me. I was truly blessed on this day.

This pictures captures a girl who is ready to walk down the aisle and declare to everyone her commitment to love forever, through thick and thin.

This is my favorite. 

Ch-ch-changes

Day 16: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

Traveling in Lyon, France

My 'lot in life', this has had me stumped! What does this mean and what is is my 'lot' and what is difficult about it? 

Hmm. I had to think for a while and well, I have decided to talk about change. 

Throughout my life growing up and subsequently as an adult, there has been constant movement and adjusting to family situations that at times have been difficult. There has been constant change and for my 'peacemaker' nature, it has been hard to prepare for this and the fear of loss has been all too great.

I REALLY don't want to appear a whiner in this post but I think it has created in me a mechanism that overly anticipates change and the hardships that comes with it.

For example, I am already anticipating when we move back from Korea and how this will go for me and my family. The decision is not made yet and I am not dwelling on it but it does bring forth questions like, 'how is life going to look back home?', 'will I have friends?', 'will I find enough challenge?'...

A day that wasn't expected

Day 15: A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day - this could be "a photo an hour" if you'd like)

As my title suggests this post does not depict a 'typical' day for me. Today, our baby Hub woke after having immunization shots yesterday to being really upset coupled with low range fever. Our poor boy. This meant that we did not prepare and leave for school today but I stayed back to tend to our boy who never wanted to be put down. He is on the mend but here is some of what happened today... 

it's a journey not a destination

Ten things that make me really happy.

Happiness to me is:

1. when my son cups my face and smiles and coos at me - I am overwhelmed by those moments.
2. lying in bed late at night and having deep and meaningfuls with my hubby - I feel so connected and understood.
3. sitting in a cafe, with beautiful music playing and catching up with a close friend - I love to listen and share with those I trust.

I apologize

Day 13: Issue a public apology. This can be as funny or as serious or as creative as you want it to be.

As I sit and ponder many ways I could take this post, I hear grumblings and whirrings from outside, on my balcony. These noises are the cry of something that is used, abused and called upon far too much in our household at the moment.

My apology is to a loyal and focused resident of this family; one who often doesn't get that reciprocated. Especially now, that it has become just a quick dump and leave exchange. Not a long connection time or even a chance to pamper. It's in a use - use situation...

One thing I miss

Day 12: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)

visiting The Garden of the Morning Calm when I was 34 weeks

Being an expat living in South Korea is an amazing experience. I love to celebrate the differences and try out new things but sometimes I really just miss not standing out; the ability to be able to be in a crowd where I am not physically different or garner attention for my differences - good or bad. 

I remember last year visiting Sydney, Australia for job training and suddenly being overwhelmed with reverse culture shock (a.k.a 're-entry shock') where returning to one's home culture - or close to it - after growing accustomed to a new one can produce the same effects as culture shock. I just sat on a bench watching people walk past, totally oblivious to me, I could read every sign - never got stared at... I was pretty much ignored. It was so weird!

I can be an overly perceptive person when it comes to people's body language and tone of voice. Sometimes, being out and about can get me down only because I tend to take this attention all too seriously. When I feel like that I just slip on earphones and listen to music or have sunglassses on and keep positive. Nowadays baby Hub is the centre of attention for his big blue eyes and I love having him doted on, that is the amazing thing about living here.

So yeah, there you have it. An expat missing her 'normalness'!

What would you say that you miss?