being shaped in the wait

man, waiting can be hard and i actually regard myself as a patient person! but being in this period of my life when i don't quite know how or what the next months are going to look like is an unsettling one.

imagine if every door you knocked on was opened to you? imagine if you never had to wait for anything? you could just ask and get it! would you be grateful? would you challenge yourself with new endeavours that might mean you fail?

i read something today that really opened my eyes to this time in my life and it's weightiness.

{waiting used to seem like a waste, now i know that it was my misuse of the waiting that was wasteful.}

my biggest thing right now is applying for teaching jobs in new avenues and wanting a breakthrough {missing the amazing team i left in my previous position} but more importantly realising in myself that my value is not in what i do. 

it's like planting a tree and waiting for the first fruits to yeild. i recall some photographs of me and my brother being held by my father as we picked our very first homegrown mandarins {clementines}, the grin on my face was from ear to ear. the scene speaks volumes, we were all giddy with excitement, savouring the sweetness of the process it took to taste what we had planted, watered and monitored. the photo description would read {it was well worth the wait}

but cast your mind now to a scene where my little hands break open a new mandarin, the photo showing the rind falling to the ground and my eyes full of anticipation as i put it into my mouth, but then my face winces like it is in agony; i spit out the fruit... it was too sour, the fruit not yet ready to be enjoyed and experienced. the wait was too great, we had taken the timeframe into our hands and {jumped the gun}. how devastating for the 8 year old me to never get to taste the sweet, juicy taste of fulfilment. it's not worth it, is it?

i am learning that waiting can be just as significant as the breakthrough. 

wisdom and trust is what shapes you in the wait. this period should never be wasted. the challenge is not to focus solely on the future {and the way we tell ourselves how great it's going to be when you get what you want ;} but instead to stay humble and teachable. it is in the valley that fruit is produced, not on the mountaintops. 

humility is never weakness, humility is the quietest strength.

speaking to my heart here guys and i hope this has encouraged yours too. 

if you are in a {waiting place}, be gently reminded that you are being shaped through it, not just when you reach the end. 

:: holding onto the good ::